I hear this a lot.......

Why do they do this?  Why does she/he treat me this way?  I need to change to be better.   How can I prove that I love her/him   I need to work harder.

Victims have got to stop blaming themselves, they have got to stop feeling that everything is their fault.  I know easier said than done.  There has got to be a way for victims to realize its not them.  They're being abused.   Narcissists manipulate you into thinking everything is your fault and that you are worthless.   It's what they do to gain control over you, make you think no one else will love you like they do.  You will NEVER make a Narcissist happy because they can never be happy.  They only feel good when they are causing you pain and suffering.

Victims have to believe they are more than enough!  They need to see that they are amazing good hearted people!  They need to understand that is why a Narcissist targeted them in the first place.   It is because they are what a Narcissist can never be.....loved, happy, strong..... the list goes on.   Narcissists are sad empty shells, they can feel these things, or be human for that matter.  They can act like they do... because they've learned how to mimic these emotions.  They are envious and evil individuals....not to mention dangerous to your mental health.  

Narcissists are always on a seek and destroy mission.   Some are lucky enough to see them for what they are and get out early, some that are involved with a Narcissistic long term, not so lucky.   They take away all that is good about an individual - their good heart, soul, career, finances, and they also see to it that you have no support system so they make sure that your friends, family, and even your own children have turned against you.   And they will believe what the Narcissist says - that you are the one that needs help.  Well, of course you do!  You're being mentally abused!  They won't see that you're trying to hide your pain and suffering.  They'll only "see" what the Narcissist wants them to see, that you're an addict, abusive, and even suicidal.  That is what they do and will always do, victim after victim.  

Once a Narcissist knows what there is to know about you, then the games begin.  You will fall in love with all the wonderful things that you hear, dreams of the perfect life you've always wanted, a perfect family, wonderful gifts, trips, etc.  You will even hear that you are their "soulmate".  Occasionally, that mask will slip, just a little, but you will pay no mind to it.... you will still be sucked in by all the lies!   Ultimately, you will fall so in love with this bullshit, you will believe in and do anything they say.   Never take anything from a Narcissist.  You will have sold your soul to the devil.  When you "act up" they will always bring up all they've done for you in order to keep you in line.   Control.  

Narcissists will also marry multiple times.  During these marriages they also tend to have multiple affairs.  Why?  They're always on the look out for their potential next victims....usually its for money,  money is power and control to them.  What's theirs is theirs, what's yours is theirs.   You are merely something to be used, tossed away, and replaced when you no longer have anything to give them.  If you finally realize what you are dealing with and leave them before they are ready to discard you, be prepared for battle.   They will not accept this.  Why?  They cannot be alone.  They fear this more than anything.   The Narcissist has invested in so much time and energy manipulating you, it's too much work to have to start all over to successfully control another victim.   This is why they also have affairs, they have someone ready to take your place almost immediately.  A Narcissist will still try to pull you back in anyway they can.   If they feel you are slipping from their clutches and can no longer be controlled, then they set out to destroy you anyway they can.

If they cant have their "toy", then they'll break it so no-one else can play with it.



In the end, what you end up involved with is pure evil behind a mask and a life of hell and torment.  Watch for the red flags.  If you feel something isn't quite right about someone......RUN!

Revenge??

I personally know someone who’s Narc ex did this to them (referring to my previous post: False Accusations).   A journal recently came into my possession that contains all the horrid details of a decade of abuse written by a victim.  To this day as their Narcissist still claims they were the abuse victim, I think back to an entry about a 12 hour tirade by their abuser and the poor victim being hit with hangars.  Makes you physically ill to your stomach when you finally learn of the evil that happens to a victim BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.  


Would this narcissist’s world crash down with just a few pages of that journal shared publicly?   Can you say utter destruction?  So yes, mostly likely in the worst way.  Career, acquaintances, relationships and family.....  Poof!   Ahhh, yes!   And all the while, doing nothing illegal.  You know.... like they do.  False accusations that land you in jail, exercising their freedom of speech to smear your character online publicly, and cyber stalking.... to avoid stalking charges.   They do everything they can, as long as they don't cross that line that will land them in jail or legal proceedings.  We all know they avoid being cornered and prefer to avoid having to come up with non existent  "proof" of their being harassed and stalked by the real victim.    So when people say they don't know what they're doing.... yes they do.   And they continue to do it, victim after victim.  

They.  Don't.  Care!  

Ahhhh......So much strength and power over ones life in my little hands....all contained in this leather bound journal and it's now mine found among other things in a bank safety deposit box left to me.   Having the power over a Narcissists life in my hands is quite intoxicating.   I get it now.   And after what Ive been through the last 4 years.... I can't say that I won't take advantage of that power.  

That's the difference between Narcissists and us Normal's.   A Narc will use any and all info about you to ruin your life and not bat a lash.   Humans will just let it go, not engage.  Us humans have a conscience, feel guilt, remorse for the things we do, and consider the consequences of our actions.  But in some cases we can be pushed over the line and have the capability and knowledge to give a Narc a taste of their own medicine!  They say never engage with a Narcissist, that there will be hell to pay because, well, they're crazy.   But when you have nothing to lose and everything to gain and can successfully knock down a Narc a million pegs.... why not?  


Instead, the best revenge is to block them, ignore them, forget they ever existed.   Narcissists are vile, envious, miserable creatures that can never be happy and their sole purpose in life is to project that misery onto others.   

So LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!    

They.  Hate.  That.  

False Accusations

VIDEO:  Woman abuses herself to press charges against BF. 


I came across the video above in Facebook (link).   Just be careful, it may be be a trigger to some.  No nudity.  Just a woman hitting herself with a hammer so that she can falsely accuse her BF of abuse.  

And just like that, a female Narc can press false charges against a male victim and ruin his record, his reputation, and cost him his job.  Makes you wonder how many men have all been a victim of this.  I, as a woman, am appalled at this.  When It comes to women Narcissists, it's all out war.  I mean really, you have to agree, even just being normal we can be some bitches... even kinda crazy, but when you tie that in with Narcissistic Sociopathy....you don't stand a chance.  

What is so sad about women doing this is one, men's lives are being ruined and two, there are women out there that are actually abused.  There are women out there wasting the law agency and court system’s time and resources when they could be spent helping those that are really abused.  This woman in the video may or may not be a Narc, but the video clearly shows as to what extremes someone will go to get back at someone, especially if the victim is male.  

Tools of the Narcissist

The narcissist uses five main tools. These are gifts, affection, withdrawal, threats and violence and in exactly this order.

1. Gifts: Gifts can be used in two ways. They can either be a symbol of submission or a symbol of demand. Free people generally do not give gifts because they have what they want and do not want to submit nor demand. The communication between the victim and the narcissist is based upon gifts. The narcissist gives gifts in order to make the victim depended. The victim in return accepts these gifts and returns far greater gifts in order to accept this submission. The altruist on the other hand simply helps but does not give gifts either. So if your relationship starts off with gifts (not to be confused with support), that is a bad sign. Think about children. Most of the time, they make deals with each other. If a child gives a gift it is because the child doesn't like the item any longer.


2. Affection: The narcissist very early on claims soul mate ship, ultimate love. Everything seems incredible and unbelievable - a dream come true. Free people might show each other affection but generally feel comfortable with themselves. They might enjoy the company of someone but will stay focused on their own interests. The victim is needy (co-dependent) due to some childhood abuse. The narcissist is not needy in terms of affection but admiration within the group where the narcissist keeps his or her spider-web. However, the narcissist gives this affection in order to draw the victim into this spider web. This is a difficult time for the narcissist because the narcissist cannot be intimate. Hence, intimacy is replaced by sex.


3. Withdrawal: Once the victim's dependency is re-directed onto the narcissist, the narcissist begins to withdraw. Step by step the supposed closeness is disappearing. The victim experiences this as a great loss and the narcissist finds him or herself on a high. The narcissist thinks something like: "I don't have to give gifts, I don't have to show affection, and yet I am being admired."


4. Threats: The victim who remains needy is in shock that no affection is shown to him or her by the narcissist and starts to withdraw him- herself. Now the narcissist starts to panic because the admiration seems to be diminishing and (s)he starts to threaten the victim. These threats are of the kind: "You are a liar. You said you loved me but now you obviously don't." Now, the narcissist resorts back to the first tools including gifts and sex and threatens that they will be withheld. Strangely enough, this has already happened but the narcissist will try to convince the victim that all is as it always used to be. In this sense these threats are imaginary only.


5. Violence: At one point the narcissist will fail to convince the victim any longer by means of persuasion and changed perception. Now the narcissist will resort to violence. This is the stage when abuse in the common sense takes place. This includes locking out the victim, tearing up photographs, destroying personal belongings in front of the victim, hitting the victim, demanding abusive sexual favors from the victim, punching, kicking, spitting, withholding finances, bad mouthing, threatening to kill, introducing an ex-partner or other sexual partners, using courts and ultimately shared children.

Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

Source:
http://www.chameleongroup.org.uk/npd/the_tools.html