So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 4 - Social Media

Besides reconnecting with family, past coworkers, and old classmates, everyone loves sharing bits and pieces of their lives on social media.  We love sharing images of our kids, grandkids, and our nights out with friends.   Its great!  I love it too!   But.... when dealing with a Narc sharing too much is not a good thing.  That pic you took of you and the new person in your life at that restaurant will be saved and studied..... before you're done with dessert the Narc will know where you ate, what you ate, and how much it cost.   And this even when you've split with your Narc months or years before, they will stalk you and want to know every detail of your life they can get their hands on.

In order to keep your life to yourself and out of your Narcs prying eyes..... Social Media Shutdown.  Yep.  Unfortunately, thats a must.  You also need to disassociate yourself from anyone that even remotely knows your Narc or knows someone that knows your Narc.  If not, all that you do will still find its way to the Narc.  If you want to keep your connections, use a chatting app like WhatsApp, text messaging, or create a whole new temporary acct with complete lockdown.   Don't use a profile photo, don't use your real name, and disable the add friend and message buttons on the acct and keep connections to a minimum and add only those that will maintain your privacy.   But I do stress with the latter option to check and recheck your privacy settings often and make sure nothing leaks through.  FB is known for somehow screwing up and leaking out some of your info or images publicly.   Do the same for Instagram, create new temp acct, no profile image, no name or nickname that the Narc could associate you with.

Best thing though is to cut it all off for a while.  If you've gone no contact, this is best.  Your Narc will have no way to contact you through social media and its best for you so there will be no temptation in peeking at what they're doing.  Because trust me, ANYTHING they post is all for show.  This is also when they will post the meanest nastiest fiction about you to draw you out to get you to be upset, react, and break no contact. They know you will.  So go no contact and stay no contact.  And should anyone come to you and says, "Hey, so & so  is saying this and that about you", show no emotion, shrug it off, and say "oh well" and end that conversation.  Because once it gets back to the Narc that you didn't give two shits about what they said, he/she will explode.  It's already killing them that they are either losing or have lost control over you so they will try anything and everything they can again and again to get to you.  No contact is not going to be easy, but just hang in there!  Eventually they will realize that they must go on to their next target, which they've already had waiting on the back burner.

Stay strong, fellow survivors!

So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 3 - Smear Campaigns

Oh those lovely smear campaigns.....

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So you dumped your Narcissist before they discarded you....be prepared for the aftermath.  They are pissed, they are vindictive, and they will retaliate.   If there is anything a Narcissist is good at, it's smear campaigning.  They will tell people you're unstable, alcoholic, a drug user, you're a cheater... you name it.  They will go as far as to tell everyone you've been abusing them.  And most likely they've been doing it for a long time before you ever found out.  Smear campaigns are a common tactic used by narcissists and psychopaths.  Smear campaigning is an intentional, premeditated effort to damage your credibility, reputation, and character.  They will even tell you they love you and want to work things out, yet all the while smearing you behind your back about what a horrible person you are.

In these situations.  There's nothing you can do but let them run their mouth.  You will never be able to catch up in trying to clear your name because they've been going at it for too long already.  Just hang on to the friends and family that know you and know that how this person is portraying you isn't the real you.  It's going to be hard to block them out, you want to tell them off and even defend yourself, but it would be of no use.   Most likely you be pissed off and act a little crazy about it.  THAT is what gives a Narc ammo and says, "See, he's crazy!  He won't leave me alone!" Never mind they leave out all the juicy parts of a text or email of what the Narc said or did to spark said craziness from you.

This is why you have to go NO CONTACT.   Don't email them, don't respond to texts, don't answer calls.   Don't think about them ever again.  This is how you damage a Narc.  Ignoring them.  Don't dare give them anymore supply.  Toss them aside like the garbage they are.   In the end your Narc or Sociopath is the one that ends up looking like what they really are.....the obsessive psychotic one.


*Reminds me of a time when I found out about my smear campaign.  First it was a facebook message smearing another individual close to me, trying to come off as a warning about what a horrible person they were.  It was to "save" me from making a mistake.  I never responded.  My first thought, butt hurt individual.  Two months later while googling to check the status of my business online,  my name, business, and significant other were tagged in a blog used to smear us.  It had been started the same day as when I received the FB message.   Lie upon lie, upon lie, upon lie.  Was the best piece of fiction, myself and all my friends had ever read.  I gave them all the link for entertainment purposes, of course.  A retired friend actually made it her mission to print every post and place the pages in a very neat black binder for future use or for exposure, if needed.  Got to love friends that have your back.   I opted to not engage with this toxic individual because at this point I knew that I was dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 2 - Personal information

If you only knew how easy it is for a Narcissistic Sociopath to access your email and other personal accounts.

This is part two in my series of So, you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

Emails, iCloud accounts, access to cellular accounts all need to be changed.   ALL of it!  I know this is a pain in the ass, but very necessary.   Change usernames, passwords, and most definitely change your secret questions.  Do NOT respond to a Narcs hoovering using your new accounts.  As a matter of fact once you're gone, do not ever respond to the Narc again!  Stay No Contact, this is what you need to do for you!  When creating new accounts DO NOT use your own personal information or that of a close family member when creating new accounts.  It won't take much for your Narc to figure out how to get into your accounts.
Mothers maiden name?  First Pet?  Childs middle name?   They know it!  If you've been involved with them for some time....they know all there is to know about you and your family, if they don't, they will figure it out or manipulate a family member to get it.  They will even stoop so low as to hack into your own child's email accounts to get whatever info they can.  They have nothing better to do than to lock you out of your own personal accounts and maybe even do some damage.  Don't let it get to that point.  They mostly do this for control.  They also want to know what you're up to, who you're talking to, and even where you go.   They especially will want to know the who's?   Don't be surprised if they want to get to know your friends and acquaintances.   They don't really care about your friends, they will only be new players in the Narcs game of turning them against you.  Unfortunately, they will even get family to turn against you.  This is when you learn who really has your back and who doesn't.  The ones that don't are the ones you have to let go.  If they've been manipulated and sucked in to the Narcs games, its too late.


Create those new accounts, keep them secret, and be safe.


Next:  So your dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.  Part 3 - Social Media

So, you're dealing with a Narcissist Sociopath. Part 1 - Financial

Ok, so you've finally learned that you're not the crazy one and after countless late nights of research, you've also come to the realization that you're involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath.  What do you do??   The next posts on this blog will hopefully help prepare you for your escape.

Most importantly.... DO NOT accuse them of this.   As you know, in their mind, they are perfect, they are in no way flawed.  As soon as you start pointing the finger at them being the unstable one, they will flip the script, so to speak and you will be the one they will portray as the abusive Narcissist to anyone that will listen.  Most likely they have already been doing this behind your back for some time.  So, this is the time you need to put on your best Oscar winning performances and play it cool until you've broken free to tell the tale of your survival.

If you know pretty damn sure it is time for you to hit the road, then there are some things you need to know.   First don't let them on to your planning to leave.  Hell hath no fury than a Narc that gets dumped first.  Believe me!!  Be prepared, my dear reader, this is when you will be subject to every kind of fresh hell they can think of and there is no going back.

Protect your A$$...ets!

Banking/Credit/ Retirement/ Pensions/ Life insurance

BE FOR CERTAIN, all these things are being accessed by your Narc.   They know what you're spending, your bank balances, and even what amounts are in your retirement and pensions.   They are even slick enough to add themselves to these accounts.   Check them!  Double and triple check them!  They are also monitoring your credit.  Yes, you heard me!   For however long, they have been getting alerted when you're buying a car or opening new accounts.  Don't think for a minute they aren't capable of this.  After all, they know your SS#, mother's maiden name, and your first pet!  While you're in a relationship with a Narc, even early on, they will want to know all your personal info and deepest secrets.  It's in their playbook and it's all stored in their evil little heads for future use.  If they can't use this info to their advantage then they will most certainly use it to destroy you.  Trust they will manipulate you anyway they can to pull this info from you or your family.

CHANGE EVERYTHING!!

This is so very important.   It may seem as a major inconvenience to do this, but it beats losing everything you've worked hard all your life for.  Most survivors, women AND men, are often left broke, homeless, and with no means to start over once they've escaped Hell.  You can prevent this.

Bank accounts:
Close them and reopen at a new bank.   If you are married to the Narc and chose to just take them off the account, they will go to the one person that can be easily manipulated into getting their way back into your accounts.   If you're still married,  go to a new bank and open a second account to sock away your funds.  It is best to use a completely different bank and never mention this new bank.  The Narc can easily use the automated phone system of your bank to know your every purchase.   Never for whatever reason it is, send a check or anything that would have the name of your new bank or credit union on it to your Narc or children that reside with your Narc.  Thats all the info they need to get started.

Credit:
Lock down your credit and monitor it yourself.   Most likely they're monitoring your credit as well.  Nothing like making a big purchase and the Narc you have been divorced from for some time contacts you a week after making said purchase and questions you about it.   As if it is any of their business.   Then you're questioning how in the hell do they know?!  Personally, I believe it's also their attempt at letting you know they're still in control and that you can never get away from them.
*If they ever cross the line of accessing a credit account, make a report with law enforcement immediately!  They cannot do much, but it's enough to warrant you getting a new SS# and if divorced, consider going back to the courts where your divorce was finalized.  It is against the law or its contempt I believe, for a former spouse to access accounts that are stated on the decree as the other party's separate accounts.  Check your divorce papers where the division of debt is mentioned.

Retirement accounts/Pensions/Investments:
Make sure to update beneficiaries asap for your 401k's, Pensions, Investments AND update that Will!  And do not leave these to anyone involved with or manipulated by your Narc.  Very important!   Make sure copies of these docs are made and certified by a notary so that there is no mistake or any way for the Narc to stake a claim on your assets.  Keep these in a location elsewhere, not at your home or office where your Narc can access them.   They may turn up missing.  If you are no longer with your employer then withdraw and move all pensions, retirement plans and investments to a new financial institution, safe and sound and away from prying Narc eyes!

*So glad we did all the above!

Remember you're dealing with a money hungry individual who will do anything and everything they can to take everything you have and leave your life, finances, and reputation in ruins.

Hear this and remember it......  Whats theirs is theirs, what's yours is theirs!   There is no other way with them.  They will manipulate, lie, and control you and your money.  If you stop at the gas station for a pack of smokes and a coke, trust, they will know.

Trust me, they will even try to take your travel points/air miles if they can.  I personally experienced that.  I was contacted by an account that we use for travel, an individual was trying to claim the account for themselves.  The customer service rep confirmed with me who the individual was and helped me create a new account and transferred our points/miles once I provided proof of my identity.


No matter how small the account, whether it be for travel, bank, or credit.... leave no stone unturned to protect yourself.




So you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath - Part 1 of 4

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So you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath Part 2 - Personal Information