Are you a Narcissist?

What I see a lot of in forums are victims questioning themselves on if they are the Narcissist or not.
First of all, if you have to ask yourself that question .... You're not.   The Narcissist in your relationship has played with your head for so long that they have you thinking that you're the crazy Narcissistic one.

Narcissists:
Lie
Manipulate
Are verbal abusive
Think they are more attractive than others when it is obvious they aren't
Are vindictive
Think they know it all
Put others down
Think everything is about them
Believe rules do not apply to them
Are not sympathetic to others
Are extremely envious of others
Stalk a targets social media/blogs


Monitor a targets finances
They cheat
They have to be in control of everything
Feel good when they concoct stories of being abused and people feel sorry for them
Need attention
Hack into the emails or iCloud account of a target or others
Feel the need to contact an employer to cause problems for a target
Access the financial information or personal accounts of a target
Monitor a targets credit information
Accuse their target of needing mental help
Feel they need to trash their target to anyone that will listen and on social media/blogs
Have to wreck havoc in a targets life
Accuse the target of stalking or being a Narcissist
Accuse their target of doing things to them when it is the Narcissist that is actually doing it
Falsely accuse a target of abuse and will have them arrested. This is another way of damaging a targets reputation.

The list goes on and on!

The behaviors above are just the tip of the iceberg of what a Narcissist does.  They also don't realize that they ALL share the same behaviors.  It's like they all learn from the same book.  One thing is certain, once you've had to deal with one, you can practically see them coming from a mile away.

So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 4 - Social Media

Besides reconnecting with family, past coworkers, and old classmates, everyone loves sharing bits and pieces of their lives on social media.  We love sharing images of our kids, grandkids, and our nights out with friends.   Its great!  I love it too!   But.... when dealing with a Narc sharing too much is not a good thing.  That pic you took of you and the new person in your life at that restaurant will be saved and studied..... before you're done with dessert the Narc will know where you ate, what you ate, and how much it cost.   And this even when you've split with your Narc months or years before, they will stalk you and want to know every detail of your life they can get their hands on.

In order to keep your life to yourself and out of your Narcs prying eyes..... Social Media Shutdown.  Yep.  Unfortunately, thats a must.  You also need to disassociate yourself from anyone that even remotely knows your Narc or knows someone that knows your Narc.  If not, all that you do will still find its way to the Narc.  If you want to keep your connections, use a chatting app like WhatsApp, text messaging, or create a whole new temporary acct with complete lockdown.   Don't use a profile photo, don't use your real name, and disable the add friend and message buttons on the acct and keep connections to a minimum and add only those that will maintain your privacy.   But I do stress with the latter option to check and recheck your privacy settings often and make sure nothing leaks through.  FB is known for somehow screwing up and leaking out some of your info or images publicly.   Do the same for Instagram, create new temp acct, no profile image, no name or nickname that the Narc could associate you with.

Best thing though is to cut it all off for a while.  If you've gone no contact, this is best.  Your Narc will have no way to contact you through social media and its best for you so there will be no temptation in peeking at what they're doing.  Because trust me, ANYTHING they post is all for show.  This is also when they will post the meanest nastiest fiction about you to draw you out to get you to be upset, react, and break no contact. They know you will.  So go no contact and stay no contact.  And should anyone come to you and says, "Hey, so & so  is saying this and that about you", show no emotion, shrug it off, and say "oh well" and end that conversation.  Because once it gets back to the Narc that you didn't give two shits about what they said, he/she will explode.  It's already killing them that they are either losing or have lost control over you so they will try anything and everything they can again and again to get to you.  No contact is not going to be easy, but just hang in there!  Eventually they will realize that they must go on to their next target, which they've already had waiting on the back burner.

Stay strong, fellow survivors!

So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 3 - Smear Campaigns

Oh those lovely smear campaigns.....

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So you dumped your Narcissist before they discarded you....be prepared for the aftermath.  They are pissed, they are vindictive, and they will retaliate.   If there is anything a Narcissist is good at, it's smear campaigning.  They will tell people you're unstable, alcoholic, a drug user, you're a cheater... you name it.  They will go as far as to tell everyone you've been abusing them.  And most likely they've been doing it for a long time before you ever found out.  Smear campaigns are a common tactic used by narcissists and psychopaths.  Smear campaigning is an intentional, premeditated effort to damage your credibility, reputation, and character.  They will even tell you they love you and want to work things out, yet all the while smearing you behind your back about what a horrible person you are.

In these situations.  There's nothing you can do but let them run their mouth.  You will never be able to catch up in trying to clear your name because they've been going at it for too long already.  Just hang on to the friends and family that know you and know that how this person is portraying you isn't the real you.  It's going to be hard to block them out, you want to tell them off and even defend yourself, but it would be of no use.   Most likely you be pissed off and act a little crazy about it.  THAT is what gives a Narc ammo and says, "See, he's crazy!  He won't leave me alone!" Never mind they leave out all the juicy parts of a text or email of what the Narc said or did to spark said craziness from you.

This is why you have to go NO CONTACT.   Don't email them, don't respond to texts, don't answer calls.   Don't think about them ever again.  This is how you damage a Narc.  Ignoring them.  Don't dare give them anymore supply.  Toss them aside like the garbage they are.   In the end your Narc or Sociopath is the one that ends up looking like what they really are.....the obsessive psychotic one.


*Reminds me of a time when I found out about my smear campaign.  First it was a facebook message smearing another individual close to me, trying to come off as a warning about what a horrible person they were.  It was to "save" me from making a mistake.  I never responded.  My first thought, butt hurt individual.  Two months later while googling to check the status of my business online,  my name, business, and significant other were tagged in a blog used to smear us.  It had been started the same day as when I received the FB message.   Lie upon lie, upon lie, upon lie.  Was the best piece of fiction, myself and all my friends had ever read.  I gave them all the link for entertainment purposes, of course.  A retired friend actually made it her mission to print every post and place the pages in a very neat black binder for future use or for exposure, if needed.  Got to love friends that have your back.   I opted to not engage with this toxic individual because at this point I knew that I was dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

So, youre dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath. Part 2 - Personal information

If you only knew how easy it is for a Narcissistic Sociopath to access your email and other personal accounts.

This is part two in my series of So, you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

Emails, iCloud accounts, access to cellular accounts all need to be changed.   ALL of it!  I know this is a pain in the ass, but very necessary.   Change usernames, passwords, and most definitely change your secret questions.  Do NOT respond to a Narcs hoovering using your new accounts.  As a matter of fact once you're gone, do not ever respond to the Narc again!  Stay No Contact, this is what you need to do for you!  When creating new accounts DO NOT use your own personal information or that of a close family member when creating new accounts.  It won't take much for your Narc to figure out how to get into your accounts.
Mothers maiden name?  First Pet?  Childs middle name?   They know it!  If you've been involved with them for some time....they know all there is to know about you and your family, if they don't, they will figure it out or manipulate a family member to get it.  They will even stoop so low as to hack into your own child's email accounts to get whatever info they can.  They have nothing better to do than to lock you out of your own personal accounts and maybe even do some damage.  Don't let it get to that point.  They mostly do this for control.  They also want to know what you're up to, who you're talking to, and even where you go.   They especially will want to know the who's?   Don't be surprised if they want to get to know your friends and acquaintances.   They don't really care about your friends, they will only be new players in the Narcs game of turning them against you.  Unfortunately, they will even get family to turn against you.  This is when you learn who really has your back and who doesn't.  The ones that don't are the ones you have to let go.  If they've been manipulated and sucked in to the Narcs games, its too late.


Create those new accounts, keep them secret, and be safe.


Next:  So your dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.  Part 3 - Social Media