So, you're dealing with a Narcissist Sociopath. Part 1 - Financial

Ok, so you've finally learned that you're not the crazy one and after countless late nights of research, you've also come to the realization that you're involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath.  What do you do??   The next posts on this blog will hopefully help prepare you for your escape.

Most importantly.... DO NOT accuse them of this.   As you know, in their mind, they are perfect, they are in no way flawed.  As soon as you start pointing the finger at them being the unstable one, they will flip the script, so to speak and you will be the one they will portray as the abusive Narcissist to anyone that will listen.  Most likely they have already been doing this behind your back for some time.  So, this is the time you need to put on your best Oscar winning performances and play it cool until you've broken free to tell the tale of your survival.

If you know pretty damn sure it is time for you to hit the road, then there are some things you need to know.   First don't let them on to your planning to leave.  Hell hath no fury than a Narc that gets dumped first.  Believe me!!  Be prepared, my dear reader, this is when you will be subject to every kind of fresh hell they can think of and there is no going back.

Protect your A$$...ets!

Banking/Credit/ Retirement/ Pensions/ Life insurance

BE FOR CERTAIN, all these things are being accessed by your Narc.   They know what you're spending, your bank balances, and even what amounts are in your retirement and pensions.   They are even slick enough to add themselves to these accounts.   Check them!  Double and triple check them!  They are also monitoring your credit.  Yes, you heard me!   For however long, they have been getting alerted when you're buying a car or opening new accounts.  Don't think for a minute they aren't capable of this.  After all, they know your SS#, mother's maiden name, and your first pet!  While you're in a relationship with a Narc, even early on, they will want to know all your personal info and deepest secrets.  It's in their playbook and it's all stored in their evil little heads for future use.  If they can't use this info to their advantage then they will most certainly use it to destroy you.  Trust they will manipulate you anyway they can to pull this info from you or your family.

CHANGE EVERYTHING!!

This is so very important.   It may seem as a major inconvenience to do this, but it beats losing everything you've worked hard all your life for.  Most survivors, women AND men, are often left broke, homeless, and with no means to start over once they've escaped Hell.  You can prevent this.

Bank accounts:
Close them and reopen at a new bank.   If you are married to the Narc and chose to just take them off the account, they will go to the one person that can be easily manipulated into getting their way back into your accounts.   If you're still married,  go to a new bank and open a second account to sock away your funds.  It is best to use a completely different bank and never mention this new bank.  The Narc can easily use the automated phone system of your bank to know your every purchase.   Never for whatever reason it is, send a check or anything that would have the name of your new bank or credit union on it to your Narc or children that reside with your Narc.  Thats all the info they need to get started.

Credit:
Lock down your credit and monitor it yourself.   Most likely they're monitoring your credit as well.  Nothing like making a big purchase and the Narc you have been divorced from for some time contacts you a week after making said purchase and questions you about it.   As if it is any of their business.   Then you're questioning how in the hell do they know?!  Personally, I believe it's also their attempt at letting you know they're still in control and that you can never get away from them.
*If they ever cross the line of accessing a credit account, make a report with law enforcement immediately!  They cannot do much, but it's enough to warrant you getting a new SS# and if divorced, consider going back to the courts where your divorce was finalized.  It is against the law or its contempt I believe, for a former spouse to access accounts that are stated on the decree as the other party's separate accounts.  Check your divorce papers where the division of debt is mentioned.

Retirement accounts/Pensions/Investments:
Make sure to update beneficiaries asap for your 401k's, Pensions, Investments AND update that Will!  And do not leave these to anyone involved with or manipulated by your Narc.  Very important!   Make sure copies of these docs are made and certified by a notary so that there is no mistake or any way for the Narc to stake a claim on your assets.  Keep these in a location elsewhere, not at your home or office where your Narc can access them.   They may turn up missing.  If you are no longer with your employer then withdraw and move all pensions, retirement plans and investments to a new financial institution, safe and sound and away from prying Narc eyes!

*So glad we did all the above!

Remember you're dealing with a money hungry individual who will do anything and everything they can to take everything you have and leave your life, finances, and reputation in ruins.

Hear this and remember it......  Whats theirs is theirs, what's yours is theirs!   There is no other way with them.  They will manipulate, lie, and control you and your money.  If you stop at the gas station for a pack of smokes and a coke, trust, they will know.

Trust me, they will even try to take your travel points/air miles if they can.  I personally experienced that.  I was contacted by an account that we use for travel, an individual was trying to claim the account for themselves.  The customer service rep confirmed with me who the individual was and helped me create a new account and transferred our points/miles once I provided proof of my identity.


No matter how small the account, whether it be for travel, bank, or credit.... leave no stone unturned to protect yourself.




So you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath - Part 1 of 4

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So you're dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath Part 2 - Personal Information

Sociopaths say you’re crazy – and you believe them

The sociopath behaves badly: Lying and then lying to cover up the lies. Disappearing for days without explanation. Draining your finances. Cheating and you have proof!

You are understandably upset. Justifiably angry.

Yet when you confront the perpetrator, not only does the sociopath deny, deny, deny, he or she says it never happened, you imagined it all, and you’re paranoid. In fact, you’re losing your mind! You should be committed!

You are so confused that you think the sociopath may be right. Are you losing your mind?

How does this happen? How does the sociopath lie, manipulate and deceive, yet you feel like you’re the one going crazy?

The root of the problem is that when this person came into your life, you didn’t know about sociopaths. Therefore, you are vulnerable to the sociopath’s plot.

So here’s what happens.

Step 1: The sociopath convinces you that it’s love!

You meet and the sociopath sweeps you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. Or, you meet and don’t like the sociopath, but he or she is so persistent that you finally decide to give the person a chance.

Either way, you interpret the sociopath’s behavior to mean that he or she is smitten with you. Because who would be so attentive, or keep trying to see you, if they weren’t head over heels crazy for you?

It must be love!

According to your understanding of life, people who are in love are kind to each other. They want the best for their partners and never intentionally hurt their beloved.

Since the sociopath is proclaiming undying love, that’s what you expect.

Step 2: The sociopath lies about almost everything, but you don’t know it

You don’t realize that the caring behavior is a charade, and that all the sweet nothings that come out of his or her mouth are just that nothing.

In fact, you don’t realize that just about everything the sociopath says is a lie.

After all, the sociopath looks deep into your eyes, convincing you of his or her sincerity.

You know that some of what you’re told is true. But you don’t know that sociopaths are experts at mixing enough truth with their lies so that the entire story sounds like the truth.

Yes, sometimes the story doesn’t make sense at first. But the sociopath explains away the discrepancies, and the explanations are always so plausible.

And then there are the times that the story is totally outrageous. But it has to be true, because no one would ever make up such a tale.

You certainly would never say such things if they weren’t true, and you can’t imagine that anyone would. Who would have the nerve to make those claims if the events hadn’t really happened?

Sociopaths will do it but you don’t know that.

Step 3: The sociopath intentionally makes you doubt your perceptions

The sociopath’s objective is power and control over you. That means the sociopath wants to control your mind.

One way to do that is to make you doubt your perceptions. It’s called “gaslighting.”

According to Wikipedia:

Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

The term comes from the 1944 film, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman as Paula.

In the movie, the sociopathic villain intentionally hides things, and then says Paula took or moved them. He has a violent outburst and then denies that it happened, saying Paula imagined it. He keeps this up through the entire movie, until Paula thinks she is insane.

Sociopaths actually do this.

One Lovefraud reader recounted how the sociopath kept moving her keys, and then criticized her for losing them. Many sociopaths make promises, and then blatantly deny that the words were spoken.

They are adamant. Vociferous. Indignant.

You would never intentionally move things just to confuse people. You might break a promise, but you would never deny that you made it.

So you wonder did you really lose the keys again? Did you imagine what was said?

Step 4: The sociopath insists that you have mental problems

The sociopath proclaims true love, lies fluently without you realizing it, and then intentionally tries to make you doubt your perceptions.

While the sociopath lies and denies, he or she continually professes love for you.

In your mind, and in your way of life, love is about being caring and supportive. It’s about trust. You would never dream of blatantly lying to someone you love, or intentionally treating them badly.

So you must have misunderstood. You must have imagined it. The only rational explanation is that you are losing your mind.

That’s what the sociopath tells you. Consistently. Repeatedly.

“That never happened. You imagined it.”

“Why are you so paranoid? You should go to counseling.”

“I’m really getting concerned about you. You seem to be losing your grip on reality.”

Learning the real truth

Eventually, somehow, you learn the truth: The sociopath has been lying all along. About everything.

This truth is devastating. Earth-shattering.

You didn’t know that there were human beings who look and seem normal, but who have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

Before you know about sociopaths, you may have had a tendency to see people as you are, and interpret the actions of others in terms of how you would behave.

You had no idea that there are humans living among us who operate under a totally different set of rules. Or, make that no rules.

Once you learn about sociopaths, you realize that your perceptions were correct all along. Contrary to what the sociopath so forcefully stated, you are not crazy.

Red Flags of Love Fraud

Protect yourself. To learn the early warning signs of sociopathic behavior, read Red Flags of Love Fraud: 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.

Category: Seduced by a sociopath